When did I ‘become’ gay?

I get asked this a lot, as if I had suddenly Thought, ‘you know what, I’m bored of this straight shit, lets mix things up, let’s turn my entire world and everything I thought I was upside down, and even better, let’s confuse the fuck out of my kids and teach them diversity at an incredibly young age’ yes! That’s exactly what I thought. I mean why not Eh?🙄

Some people took it upon themselves to decide that that is exactly what I had done, that recent events in my life had ‘turned‘ me, possibly it had, who knows! Still confuses me if I’m honest, some even thought it helpful to spread outrageous rumours saying I was a liar who had destroyed my family and had just wanted a sperm donor All along!! I often wonder where these type of people get their information from.

Do they just think of the most stupid hurtful, ignorant things they can come up with and think they are being helpful because they really weren’t. I mean where do they come up with this shit??

I’m not going to go into the events that led to the breakdown of my marriage as that has no bearing on my sexuality. I was happily married , or so I thought, for 15 years, to possibly the man of my dreams, I had two beautiful young kids and things were good. Sadly things changed, which was devastating but it was what it was And we adapt. I on the other hand appeared to do more than adapt!! Dickhead!

A year later I found myself falling in love with a woman. Wait what??! Well that was a complete head fuck let me tell you. I mean where does this shit come from? I was in my late 30’s, a broken divorcee with two small humans draining the actual living fuck out of me! I had no time for this. Maybe it was a mid life crisis, maybe I was having a breakdown, maybe it’s a ‘phase’ . Human beings are so damn confusing, I couldn’t explain it, i didn’t understand it, how the hell could I expect anyone else to?

Well there was clearly no time to process any of my confusing thoughts. I was outed before I could even think ‘ that kiss was amazing, a bit weird, and why are you a woman?’ or ‘why the fuck am i having these feelings’ ? ...boom, it was out there and being told to any and every mofo that would listen. Even strangers were forming opinions of me, and actually and sadly they still do . Lies are a powerful thing and why not ruin someone’s life instead of leaving them be. What’s the fun in that?

I had suddenly become a home wrecker, (how rude) even after more than a year after I had split up , the blame was all thrown on me, (again..rude!) funny that! My wife (not yet but nearly) was equally as confused and struggling to come to terms with everything ( she was after all my childs teacher ! 😱 oh how scandalous) she was labeled some evil fallen catholic, I was labelled a bad mum, not entirely sure how the sex of my partner constitutes my ability to parent but hey ho! (I repeat, rude) how my kids would grow up gay, because clearly both my parents were gay, hence me!!! what was wrong with me? I needed to be ’fixed’ ..still not quite sure what that meant, did I need a priest or was that perhaps a threat? my kids were even told that all gay people go to hell!! They were 5 and 7 For Christ’s sake. Wtaf people???

I did explain to them that this was indeed a fabrication of whose ever truth this was, ( I knew full well whose ‘truth’ this was) and was infact not true! what I really wanted to say was , oh Who fucking cares kids?, it’s warmer there and probably has far more interesting people to talk to, whilst you are slowly burning in hell 🤔

So yeah, when people ask ‘when did I become gay’ I want to throat punch them! I didn’t choose this, lots of terrible things happened after, why would anyone choose that! All I did was fall in love, it just happened and confused the hell out of both me and my now wife (not yet but nearly) Love is love Right? The fact that the person I fell in love with didn’t have a penis proved to be a huge problem . My bad! Damn you wifey (not yet but nearly)

The good thing, other than the Wife(not yet but nearly) of course, is that my now grown teens have both grown up with no prejudice whatsoever Despite people’s varying ongoing attempts. My teens are loving and accepting and have a fabulous relationship with both myself and the wife (not yet but nearly) so what more could you want ? Maybe for them to tidy their rooms perhaps, wake up before 3pm, acknowledge you as someone with half a brain, not store the entire kitchen contents on their bedside tables, you know, various daily attributes but we can’t have it all right ?

life is forever changing, thats not saying I’m going to return to the penis bearing species , been there, have an incredibly shitty t shirt etc etc 🤣 it simply means that sometimes you’ve Just got to accept the change and roll with it. I’m good at rolling, it’s all on the excess weight , I’m blaming the baby weight I’ve been trying to lose since giving birth....16 years ago!

It did however take me 7 years to finally accept that change and move the wife(not yet but nearly) in and a further 5 years to attempt to make her my wife (not yet but nearly) after all, I had tiny little life draining, energy sucking, time consuming, off the scale hyper demanding humans to raise! ... but I did accept the change...

If nothing ever changes there’d be no butterflies right. .....

#gay #lesbian #lesbianmum #teenagers