So.... who’s great idea was this? ... ok it may have been mine, but in my defense I was coersed!
I mean yes I’ve may have done this before, one other little time, long long ago, but it was to a man, who, let’s face it, wasn’t really that bothered so I kinda just did my own thing. ( little did I know then that this was to be the story of my life) I also had my mums help back then.... eerrrr no chance of that this time, she can just about remember who I am let alone the fact that I’ve now jumped to the dark side! Marrying a woman...(especially one like mine) well that’s a whole different mess...I mean story. She’s so anal, I mean bossy, no, fussy..no wait, I mean irritating... no.. that’s not it either... organised, that’s it. She’s so “organised” it’s infuriating... I mean infuriating, damn it I mean infuriating... fuck sake bloody spell check!!
And who knew choosing an outfit would be so very impossible ! Why does no one cater for people, well people like me. i don’t want a dress, or a suit, I don’t want to look girly yet I don’t want to look manly.. I want to look girnly... or marly 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes, that’s exactly it! Fuck it. I’ll create my own wedding attire and it will either look entirely shittingly awful, or some off the scale fabulous, no half way shit going down here.... poor poor Wifey(NYBN)
If I was a girl, no hang on, I am a girl, well woman, ok old..er woman, but if I wanted a wedding dress it would be easy, go to a wedding dress shop and done. My mum made my ‘other’ wedding dress but she’s inconsiderately gone and got alzeimers so her dress designing talent is a thing of the past, talk about making things difficult for me! So I had an idea of what to wear, then realised it was actually bordering on bondage/whore like instead of rock chick like, there’s a thin line apparently! so now I’ve changed my idea completely... basically to no fucking idea so guess I’m not going! This shit is hard.
Then there’s the invites, which I made and designed and totally forgot to put the actual date on! I found this quite funny.... The Wife(NYBN) however didn’t... not funny at all, in any shape or form of funniness whatsoever! Mental Note to self : Stop being a dick, The Wife(NYBN) is getting stressed! But I just can’t help it, I almost booked my hag do on the wedding day, ffs... I’m just not cut out for this marriage lark, i did tell The Wife(NYBN) this but noooo, she still wanted to go ahead, I mean look what happened last time 🤣
The guest list is another mission. Due to having a big mouth, bad temper and low tolerance of the human species, I have no family left who still tolerate me to invite at all except for two cousins and a brother...we did tell my Mum even tho she can’t travel anymore but she clearly forgot I was gay and how did that happen, we’re Greek, it’s not allowed what do you mean you’re marrying a woman? no I’m not coming! but then ten minutes later she had forgotten all about it anyway! The Wife (NYBN) has millions.... literally a small village, possibly country size worth of family, some I haven’t even met, I really hope they aren’t expecting to meet a man called Evan 🤣🤣🤣 that could be awkward. I mean I do get called the man of the relationship All the time, which I find totally unfair and unfounded! The Wife (NYBN) knows more about football and is way more grumpier than me, i Just don’t understand it really, just coz I have a couple of little tattoos and a little less hair than most 🤷🏼♀️ Rude really .
Anyway, we’re nearly there, I’ve finally made ‘The Ring’ which actually looks amazing, I’m still undecided on mine , of course I am, it can match the nothingness of my outfit! I’m doing so well with this prep. 4.5 months to go.... it’s fine, I’ll panic.... or more to the point, The Wife (NYBN) will panic (is panicking) and will blame me if it all goes horribly wrong and I look like a freak, well more of a freak than I normally do.
Wish me luck everyone, things are about to get stressy!
Hey!! I’m not grumpy!!!