I mean what really happens to our little humans when the enter Teendom? I’ve never really witnessed anything seeping from their ears so they clearly still have a brain in their head, which apparently becomes far more superior than ours! Their tongues haven’t enlarged so I assume they still have the ability to talk, but pretty sure something must happen to their ears tho because they don’t seem to listen so well.
Saying that, when my girl teen was about 6 I took her for a hearing test as I was convinced she was deaf, got referred to a specialist and everything. No, no she wasn’t deaf in the slightest, had brilliant hearing, turns out she was just ignoring me all along!!
I do however find my girl teen so much easier in some ways than my boy teen. She will at least occasionally exit her bedroom and join us to watch a movie, have a proper conversation, you know, act like one of us briefly! The boy teen is far too busy screaming obscene words as loudly as he possibly can , just loud enough for the next suburb to hear him with a frequent smash of his twentieth x box controller! I have to say I have enjoyed this season of love island this year. Of course I don’t watch the pile of shit but the boy teen does, so we all get an hours reprieve from his really rather loud man voice excreting profanities across the neighbourhood And half his bedroom being smashed up!
Also, at what age do they decide that you know absolute jack shit and they have become the fucking oracles of life? When did we suddenly become an egg that has clearly never had a life pre your teenagers, you were never actually a teenager yourself or when you were, life was sooo old back then!! Errr excuse me young buck, slow the fuck down, I’m not 98 years old you know 🙄
It does make me laugh, also slightly angry when they think they know so much and are right about absolutely everything... because of course, you are an egg. Then it turns out that they were wrong! I glow in my glory and do the equivalent to their teenage eye roll with my uplifted ‘I’m not an egg I’m your superior human’ eye raise! Of course this doesn’t happen often as whilst they’ve been growing know it all teenage brains, mine seems to have shrunk and become a stressed out, hormonal blub of a brain that literally doesn‘t remember how I got out of bed some mornings! It’s all relevant
Like the other day, out at a restaurant and my boy teen very clearly states he wants mussels, very clear about this! Waitress comes, my mouth opens and orders him prawns. Prawns don’t even sound like mussels. Wtf!!! This then encourages both said teens to make fun of me and my very obvious degenerative brain. Normally I would laugh it off and haha, stupid mum it’s all so funny. But no! I’m now convinced the teens have actually turned me into an egg, coupled with my perimenapausal hormonal situation, along with some crazy other stress that we don’t need to go into now, I think I’ve actually lost the plot, so instead of laughing I get the raging hump, or I might cry, it’s like Russian roulette with my moods recently. Little shits find this even funnier, its Almost like they’ve switched on me and I’m now the stroppy teen. How did they do that!!!!?
Teen language is also a whole other entity! What was once our normal words have now been stolen from us and have been given a whole new meaning. I mean I have no clue what means good or bad anymore, they’ve changed everything!!!
That is of course when they are talking. The boy teen barely parts his lips and then gets pissed with me if I don’t know what he’s saying!!! Then speak up boy (fuck I do sound 98 years old 😩) He’ll then one day get up (before 3pm) and start getting ready to go out, confused by my questions of where he’s going, moaning at me that he’s told me. Oh and how I don’t listen!!!No boy teen you didn’t, you may have grunted some informative sounds in my direction thinking you are telling me but that really doesn’t work you annoying little teen breed!!!!
The girl teen will talk... sometimes a lot, I occasionally lose track (it’s the egg in me) then get accused of NEVER listening, like EVER. I then feel like a bad kid that’s just been told off by their teacher so I try really hard to listen and make comments in all the right places for fear of being shouted at again 🤣🤣 it normally works, I’m only subjected to a grunt and a ‘oh you’re not really listening, I don’t why I bother’ attitude every now and then.
Saying all this, they do make me laugh (also cry) all the time. They are equally as exhausting now as when they were 5 & 7 and were both super hyper, it seems to have come full circle !! I’m waiting for this stage to pass too, pretty sure the twenties will be easier...pretty sure....
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