Its not them, Its me...

I’ve just written a blog about people and reading it back I realised I just sounded like a people hating twatt!!

What is that I hear you all yelling...I am???...Rude. Thats totally besides the point.

In my almost...and I say ALMOST, 55 years of me, I have fallen out with , well...with most people really. Its not me, it's absolutely them lol. And when I say fallen out, I mean on an epic level, I'm never talking to you again you scum piece of absolute shit level. Its just who I am, Im an all in kinda person. You're either all in with me, or you are completely the fuck out, no middles of the road bullshit. I will give my absolute all in a relationship/friendship and then even a little bit more, and then after that, just a bit more for good measure. I will walk on hot coals, cut off one of limbs if you need it, carry you, feed you, I just basically got you in every sense of the word got.......I'm all in...... just dont ask to share my food!

This is a massive error. not the food bit, I don't joke when it comes to food .

I recently got admitted to hospital, proper poorly I was and I'm never really poorly, always too busy for that malarkey. I feel its aged me in a weird way, that and the events over the last few years! I'm now really 273 years old. Its horrendous. How can a stay in hospital turn you form 54 to 273..its incredible.

I had to move things around at work the other day , and it took me out for 2 days, I couldnt move. My wife got sick the other night and I was lying in bed like a paraplegic unable to move, or help, I was in so much pain but I couldn't moan as she was in worse pain she literally thought she was having a heart attack, so I lay there with the occasional 'aww babe, you ok' in between her vomitting, I couldn't even turn my neck coz I had obviously shattered that in several places, together with my crushed vertebrae . 273 years old is no age.

Being in hospital really does make you sit up and think,( I use the term sit up loosely, you're kinda slouched down in a whole heap of mess on the bed) when you're not vomitting, being stabbed, asking for more morphine or wondering if this pain will ever go and why aren't doctors more like magicians!? But yeah, you assess your life and the people you have in it (that didnt actually take me long as theres hardly any people left in my life thanks to grumpy ole me 🤣)

You look at people who you have lost,( not through being careless but dead type loss! 🙄)or people your friends have lost, be it suddenly or over time due to illness or accident. The people you care deeply about that are suffering and still fighting and you try and make sense of it but you cant. No one knows when everything is gonna change for the worst. It makes me sad.

So here I am in my 273rd year and I've had enough..no no not literally had enough, let me finish. I've had enough of people, no wait, thats normal for me, hang on....I mean , I've had enough of me..there...thats what I meant. Its not everyone else...it's actually me. I'm this whole person who basically gets on my nerves. Now some may say thats my weird personality disorder, they may be true but sometimes you gotta take a long hard look at yourself. This Middle aged, angry, always hungry...and angry lesbian has to go 🤣🤣🤣..well maybe not the lesbian bit, my wife might get a bit pissed off at that bit.

Its a process isn't it, I mean you don't just wake up and think,...hhhmmmm today I'm changing, Im gonna let things go and I'm not gonna be angry anymore. Two minutes into the day and that. puts rest to that fantasy.

I've been me for 273 years , sometimes it feels longer, but now I need to 'alter' and if I don't do it now, when am I going to do it?

What? what do I mean when I say 'alter'??? Well I don't fucking know...I said its a process didnt I?? Pay attention, I haven't got to that part yet. But I do know that life can turn into a hamster wheel and I'm no fat chubby lazy hamster...wait...🧐 ......no..no im not a hamster and I'm far too non athletic to be on any type of wheel. Me and my multiples (personalities) are still working on it!

My 273rd year is going to be the one ! It has to be, Its Saturday, I'm sitting here at work, coz I'm always at work, I've just finished designing my third ring and Im exhausted. Being 273 and working so much is purely a health hazard at my age. I can't even go home and unwind with a nice glass of red coz my 273 year old liver is a judas bitch. This shit has to stop.

I look at my kids, now they are in their hundreds and I think aww, I think I did good, then I think no, I was an actual psycho of a mum, poor babies. I mean the good thing is, they know absolutely everything about everything there ever was to ever know about literally everything that ever exsisted..ever....and I apparently know absolutely bugger all about anything at all. It's good that we , as mothers, pass on our infinite knowledge that according to our kids we don't have and never ever have had!!

So here we go...273rd year of me in progress...like a phoenix...or a really old , featherless pigeon with a gammy foot! I will 'alter' coz me needs to get a move on before the sand runs out.

Note to self.....google what 'alter' means and how to do it.

#lesbianmum #changeoflife #change #life