27/07/19
I have a lot of friends who will relate to this one. Growing up with Greek parents. I had the most strict upbringing EVER..(along with almost all of my Greek friends, not that I had any greek friends in England as we were from South London, not North London, my dad couldn't get further from them if he tried) I know to look at me now you wouldn't believe it but thats because Im rebelling! Seriously, Rapunzel had fuck all on me.
I remember asking to go to the cinema with all my friends at about the age of 11. My Mum tried as she said she would drop me off and actually wait outside the cinema (really Mum?) but my Dad went into meltdown and they had a huge fight over it whilst I sat on the stairs regretting I had ever even brought it up, Im Greek, I should know better! So after about 5 minutes of My Dads white rage saying I would get kidnapped, murdered raped and thrown in the river....fuck knows where there was a river, and they'd never see me again malarkey, my mum came back and calmly said 'no sweetie you can't go, its just too dangerous' and carried on into the kitchen to cook or make Dad a coffee!! I never ever asked to go anywhere ever again. I lost so many friends as I was never allowed out with them. My parents reply was you don't need those sort of friends hahaha. I then found two friends who oddly had weirder parents than me (you know who you are) and we were all prisoners together, never trying to escape for fear that if our parents found out we would be killed and buried in the garden.
Hence why I was whisked off to live in Cyprus at the tender age of 16 irradicating any fear of me ever being murdered, raped or kidnapped should I ever leave the house...ever! we did this shortly after I finished high school,leaving both my brothers in the UK. One was married with a family of his own and the crazy one had a great job and was quite happy to stay . Things were different in a Greek family if you had a penis!
My Mum wanted me to go to college to study something, anything, so I did try to do fashion design like my mum. We were all very creative. My Dads response to this in his very Greek accent, "why you want to go college? full of bums, I will look after you?" Clearly I was quite ecstatic about this, I lost count the amount of times my Mums eyes would roll as she would try to drum it into both me and my Dad that I needed to be independent, to not depend on anyone.
So off we emigrated...yay. Oddly I had so much more freedom in Cyprus. No one was gonna murder me there! I had cousins to go out with, I had a moped to ride to try and kill myself instead, I had a car at 17 even though I couldn't drive, Life was sweet. I did even attempt to get a job but good old Dad was like "why you gonna work for some peasant that will treat you like shit, fuck them, I will pay you to stay home with me" Again,Mums eyes were on a permanent roll, pretty sure she lost one of them at the back of her head with this little treasure. I was like, "what a fantastic idea dad" so me and Dad embarked on my wonder life together. Seriously, what an absolutely spoilt little bitch I was, bloody brilliant.
Food was always in abundance in our house. As kids we would open the fridge and see nothing, moan at the sight of nothing..or what we thought was nothing, then ten minutes later my mum had magically cooked a feast for 95 people, I mean, how did she make all that with just a tomato and an onion in the fridge. Mum was the master of entertaining. She loved every minute of it. My Dad would sit and do literally nothing...he would come into the kitchen, smile, look at my mum, walk over to her, kiss her, pinch her bum taste something she'd made, then ask for a coffee whilst she's preparing her 15th dish, and she'd reply, 'ok darling'
I often wonder if my Mum and Dad were real. They'd occasionally argue, especially when we'd all get the giggles around the dinner table and my Dad would lose his shit and throw his plate and storm off....huh, wonder if thats where I get my anger from. This of course would send me, my mum and brothers into a bigger giggling fit as my Mum would then run after my Dad saying he has to eat or he'll go hypo. ( he was a crazy diabetic) My Dad would sulk for a while but then him and Mum would be all loving and happy again after Mums infamous "Andriko do you want a coffee?" worked every time!
So there I was living my best life at the age of 16 in Cyprus, watching videos daily with my Dad, becoming a professional beach bum, didn't have a care in the world, I was an actual princess. Then my mum got quite ill, all the doctors in Cyprus thought she had ovarian cancer. She was in so much pain she would literally crawl around the floor. My Dad was lost, he was useless without my Mum. So my Mum mustered up the energy and dragged herself back to the UK to her own doctors. I was left looking after my Dad, who for the large part of it was a wreck, but we had such a laugh. We had cushion fights where Dad destroyed a few of mums plants, we ate shit for the most part, pretty sure my brother had joined us at one stage so it wasn't just left to me to try and convince Dad that Mum would be fine. Turned out she had an ovarian cyst that was near to bursting.
Mum returned like a super hero and all was great again. Life really couldn't get any better, I was now at the 'age' where people were coming up to my Dad to try and marry me off!! sorry what, I was 17...fuck off. Which is exactly what my Dad told them. "Im not selling my daughter, fuck off" all the Cypriots were horrified, "she'll stay on the shelf, you'll never marry her off" My Dad once again told them to go fuck themselves, not once to mix his words!
Dad had now bought me my second car as the first one he said was too small! Ok Dad but Im really not a family of 5 but who was I to argue. Me and my Dad then spent most of the time customising my little Honda, tinted windows, colour coded, spoilers, you name it, By this time my mum had lost all hope in me ever getting a job or learning a trade or doing fuck all with my life. I was literally trained for nothing, my dad was my hero, who needed anything when he was around right!
Anyway second year into Cyprus and my best life and I got really sick with kidney problems. Had an operation in Cyprus which they basically fucked up so had to go back and fourth to the UK to get it all fixed. This took about 8 months of operations and flights back and fourth, I lost so much weight it was fantastic and inherited a lovely massive 9 inch scar that I was very proud of. Came out of hospital one of the times and Dad had bought me a new set of Rims for my car. I was so excited. I bloody loved that Man! How none of us knew I was gay is beyond me!
Back to my perfect teenage life of doing actually fuck all but having fun, living with my loved up crazy parents, having a big Greek family full of great cousins and aunties and uncles and so much food all the time. Life was one big brilliant party. Obviously I was never allowed a boyfriend, don't be ridiculous. What was I ? some kind of whore!!!! You think Im joking
If you went out with a boy in Cyprus you literally had to marry him. Them was the rules, and you couldn't go out with more than one ever...you just had to marry the first one you ever went out with, after your very first date, No joke. My Dad was my go to for advice with that, he said to me, I used to be that age once, I know what these wankers are thinking. My Mums advice was, find someone like your Dad and you'll always be happy. Yep, how my life was to turn into one big fuck, none of us had a clue.
So no boyfriends, just lots of trouble free beach bumming days with my cousins and my friends, you couldn't write this kind of idyllic life, everything was so so happy......... until it all changed, my whole entire teenage worry free happy world came crashing down like a goddamn fucking earthquake of incredible magnitude. My hero, my king, the man who gave me that world only went and fucking left me. Why? How? I was 19, trained for nothing (thanks Dad) What the actual fuck do I do now? You hadn't prepared me for this, My world went dark, very very dark, life changed, people changed. The end of my carefree life had come to an abrupt end and things were about to get very different, my big fat happy Greek life had turned into a fucking Greek tragedy. Parents just don't think their shit through do they?
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