Alzeimers......

My mum has probably had alzeimers for maybe 5 years now, but it started before that in smaller, random much more infrequent things.

I remember once she slated me quite publicly on facebook. I was going to yet another one of those stupid speed awareness courses these people keep insisting I go to , and I had a slight hangover. (Standard) This prompted a character assassination from my mum, she called me a drunk and all my friends drunk ( fair comment if I’m honest 🤣) amongst other varying degrees of my inability to human!! (Again, appropriately fair comment)

I thought this a little bit harsh and quite strange for my mum, I was the golden child ( after my brother 🙄) we never argued and she was never mean to me, well, not since saying I hadn’t lost the baby belly a day after giving birth to My girl teen, and how I shouldn’t look so dreary and to put my lipstick on always, ever since I was deemed old enough to be allowed to wear makeup...about 25!!! If you know my Mum, you know the glamour!

Obviously I confronted her about this comment where she had no recollection of leaving such a disgusting message. Why would she say something about her beautiful daughter like that? She was convinced her computer had been hacked, insisted my step dad take it to get fixed, she was horrified that I could think she would write this and got really quite upset. Now that was either the onset of this terrible disease, or her split personality, the jury is still out, she is a Gemini after all 🤣

The hardest thing i find about this whole shit situation, well actually it’s everything, but one of the painful things is she is forgetting my Dad. ( I have to stop writing and take breaks as this shit really gets me. I’m sitting in Cyprus which to me, is everything about my Dad. I’m on an emotional overload at the minute as it is for so many reasons but I’m blaming being perimenapausal, or (and) Andi!! I cry at literally fucking everything) it’s pathetic!

So yeah, my Dad. Last time I was there she didn’t mention him at all, 6 months prior she mentioned him but couldn’t remember how he had died. My step Dad (who is a whole heap of heaven sent amazing) says she often talks about ‘the other Doug’ which my mum says is Greek , so we are assuming that’s my Dad. Mostly she’s pissed off with him which makes perfect sense, she never did forgive him for dying on her. That fateful night when he bailed, my one strong memory is of mum, pounding on his chest yelling ‘don’t leave me you bastard’ he didn’t listen. He’ll regret that when they meet again!!

Another painful aspect of alzeimers, not being able to speak to my mum in a crisis, I mean I can but she’ll forget what the hell we are talking about 2 minutes into the conversation. I found that so so hard when My girl teen was in hospital, I was beyond scared . My wife(not yet but nearly) was calling up her mum and I stood there, next to the bed with my poorly little mini me in and had no one to call. Lonely as fuck. Thank god for my crazy brother. He has the most calmest of heads amongst us but even this time I could sense his panic, but thankfully he remained calm for me. I have since told my my mum, about 12 times! Weird thing is she’s still a mum and she heard my voice and said ‘somethings not right, what’s wrong Ev’ and each time I tell her I get ‘oh my god how did that happen’ it’s quite therapeutic repeating everything so my mum is now my therapist!

My mum doesn’t get sad anymore at her ongoing memory loss. Well I don’t think so anyway. When I took the teens over last year it was a different story. She was talking to us and then she stopped, this huge sadness like a dark cloud covered her beautiful massive eyes and face and she looked petrified. She looked at me as if realising and said ‘this is what happens Ev, I forget what I’m talking about half way through’ she looked so scared, me and my teens will remember that look forever. We laughed it off , I said it’s just because she has a busy brain with so many thoughts in, she said it’s because her brain is fucking shit... and we laughed and laughed.

This year when I saw her there was no sadness, she gets frustrated about not being able to remember . She’s constantly moving things and then gets angry when she can’t find them. She literally spends every minute of every day moving things around the house. Quite challenging for my step Dad who spends most of his time either being blamed for moving everything or helping mum find everything !

I’m going to call my mum today, they’ve recently got an Alexa who my mum now has conversations with, I think that’s pure genius! So I’m going to call and see how her and Alexa are, she will of course ask me who the fuck Alexa is 🤣.

It’s so hard sometimes. you have to learn a whole new way of talking, don’t ask too many questions as she panics and can’t find the answer, you’ve got to keep it simple, let mum ask me the same question 23 times , I mix it up each time just so it doesn’t get boring for her , also just checking she really has got a shit memory, you never know, there might be a miraculous improvement . I need to get over to see her, why could she not live down the bloody road? Why has everything got to be such a bloody challenge. Everytime I’ve gone on my own, my girl teen gets really sick, no lie!! Every bloody time. this time she went to the extent of trying to die to stop me going. I’m clearly taking her with me next time!

Next blog I’ll talk about the one thing my mum hasn’t lost yet. The ability to always look fucking amazing. The life of my ever glamorous Mum. Clearly my girl teen takes after her, apparently it skipped a generation 🤔....

#alzeimers #mymumwithalzeimers #love #livingwithalzeimers